Looking at those photos, I told my friend, "That must have been when I was at my heaviest. Why didn't anyone tell me?" She, of course, responded with "How does someone say that to someone they love?"
That is an excellent question, I think. How do we tell each other when our decisions and our lifestyles are creating health risks and unhappiness? And was I unhappy then? Oh definitely yes.
Lots of thoughts went thru my head, looking at those photos:
- How did I not notice?
- But I was riding my bike and walking and taking the bus - shouldn't I have been fitter?
- Is that why Tyler left?
- What was I doing wrong?
But realistically, I know the answers to those questions
- You didn't want to notice.
- You didn't want to be fitter.
- Tyler didn't want to be with anyone.
- Everything and nothing.
I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Comments have been made to me along the lines of "I'm so glad you're finally doing this." Comments and promises were also made to me a while ago that people were going to stick by me and motivate me and encourage me, years ago. And I was bitter and angry for a bit that no one pushed me into doing this "like they promised."
The problem was I hadn't made a promise to myself. I have now. It's Saturday. I'm going to finish my laundry, and then I'm going to go to the gym. And I'm going to smile about it because the answer to those questions now? It doesn't matter - those are 2 year old questions and they're irrelevant to today.
:)
No comments:
Post a Comment