20 pounds...

Within the next few days, I anticipate seeing one more pound come off me on the scale, indicating the first 20 pounds gone.

It's been a slow and somewhat difficult process. It gets easier every day. I started in May and yes, I could have lost a lot more weight by now. I could have NOT gained 10 pounds back when I moved to Phoenix. But I didn't lose more weight and I did gain ten pounds and I don't care. And by don't care, I mean I am actually completely content with where I am. Because it's where I am and I can't change where I am today by worrying about what I didn't do in the last 7 or so months.

The 19 pounds I've lost as of today are 19 pounds that are not coming back. I am way happier about that last bit than the number of pounds. I have changed my life and I have changed how I deal with things.

A certain ... I don't want to call him a mistake, but he might have been, a certain person from my life texted me today. He apologized AGAIN but I imagine he's just in some phase of sobriety that won't last long, as always, but instead of freaking out and eating everything in sight, I freaked out, talked to my friends and ran it out on the gym. And that felt way better than chocolate would have. Especially since 40 minutes of cardio is a lot better for me than 40 minutes of eating.

Little changes my friends. And as I anticipate the 20th pound, I am reminded that every pound counts, every effort to change my lifestyle counts, and every smile and tear and sore muscle and shortened breath count - and they all add up to so much more than weight loss. They add up to me being so much healthier in so many ways.