Good workout today

Despite the nagging voice in my head telling me to just leave, I kept myself going through about 40 minutes of strength training today, plus a quick warm-up, long cool down, and about 10 minutes of stretching. These are the days when I know I can do this - because this was a day I didn't want to but it felt so good to finish.

I did gain a couple pounds when I moved down to Chandler (about 3 to be exact) but I'm down one more pound right now and know that I will be back to where I was and losing more within a couple weeks.

To everyone who surprised me with your support and love, Thank you! I never would have guessed that you all were out there, or cared, or that I could maybe influence you at all.

To everyone who has consistently supported me, another Thank you! I really couldn't do it without knowing that you all are following me on my journey - you help me hold myself accountable every single day!

Love love.

Reward Plan

When I get to my final goal of 160, I'm getting my belly button pierced. I might not keep it long, but I'm going to do it.

When I have maintained 160 for a year, I'm going to get a tattoo somewhere on my hip.

I also plan to buy a two piece bathing suit, but only when I'm ready. And I don't mean a tankini thing. We'll see on that one.

When I get under 200lbs, I'm throwing a party of some sort. :)

Eff you Ads by Google

I just got two Eating Disorder clinic advertisements.

They need better algorithms.

Looking back to look forward

It's important to know where I've been to know where I'm going.

Right now I'm browsing photos from the last year with my friends. I am shocked at how big I am/was. I guess I always managed not to notice. I have a lot of confidence, and I never lacked attention (positive or negative, that's still up for debate), but I think I also had blinders on. I'm glad that I, at the very least, feel fitter, even if I haven't lost much weight yet.

I also have realized that I am not on track to meet my goal in the time that I had hoped. So I'm kicking my game up a notch. SP's nutrition tracker is really helping me hold myself accountable for what I'm eating and today I didn't even get to goal. I know that's not the idea and I don't plan to continue not eating enough calories, but I am relieved to know that I can get through the day without gorging myself and also without being hungry or mindlessly eating.

I think things are looking up.

Valley living

I'm down in Chandler now and loving the new job and the fact that my financial situation is rapidly improving.

My gym situation is not so much, however. It's been difficult to get in to my routine and I'm struggling with portion control because of family habits with meals. Gotta get that right. I'm trying to help influence them to eat a little healthier but neither of them have a taste for the things I've come to love (fish, black beans, low-fat foods, FRUITS AND VEGETABLES).

I started using SparkPeople to help me with my nutrition, especially tracking. Getting an idea of what am eating and what the numbers add up to is very helpful. I've snacked less at work the last couple days just knowing that I'll have to add them in and that put me way over on Tuesday. Now I'm trying to figure out how to get enough healthy calories, fats, and protein in my diet. I didn't think that was going to be a challenge, but I do remember Joe telling me a while ago to keep track of what I was eating.

Speaking of Joe, I do not have a trainer yet here and that's really frustrating. I know I'm not getting very good workouts when I go and I don't like the Awhatukee or Chandler locations much compared to the Flagstaff Anytime Fitness. I miss the trainers and the atmosphere and working out around people my own age. But I also don't want to go to the monstrous gyms they have down here (Mountainside is so big it has its own parking garage and what looks to be valet service). Plus I'm contracted to Anytime and UBF, which is good but a little inconvenient here. The club manager in Awhatukee is really nice and much better than the guy in Flagstaff, but the one in Chandler looks like Joe Pesci's balding 30 year old son on steroids. And doesn't talk to anyone.

I'm feeling frustrated about my fitness and need a kick in the ass to get going again. I'm trying to motivate myself with the upcoming trip to California but even that's on hold right now until I hear from work.

Forgive the long post - I'm bored at work and I needed to get all of this off my chest.

Measurements August 2010

I had my measurements again yesterday. I'm officially down a full 10 pounds, 6% body fat, and I think I've lost close to 10 inches as well overall.

I'm very proud of myself right now and enjoying everything right now. I've been sick all week so I haven't been in the gym but I had a great session with Tarryn of United Body Fitness in Flagstaff yesterday and am so sore today, and I love it. My biggest motivation right now is a certain trip I'm going on in December. I want to see jaws drop :) I think it's highly possible.

I'm attaching a recent photo from the gym. Forgive the horrible work out clothes, but please note the smaller arms, legs and tummy :)

Old Photos

Going thru my iPhoto gallery today, I noticed that those early photos I have saved on here presented a truth I didn't realize two years ago.

Looking at those photos, I told my friend, "That must have been when I was at my heaviest. Why didn't anyone tell me?" She, of course, responded with "How does someone say that to someone they love?"

That is an excellent question, I think. How do we tell each other when our decisions and our lifestyles are creating health risks and unhappiness? And was I unhappy then? Oh definitely yes.

Lots of thoughts went thru my head, looking at those photos:

• How did I not notice?
• But I was riding my bike and walking and taking the bus - shouldn't I have been fitter?
• Is that why Tyler left?
• What was I doing wrong?

And plenty more...

But realistically, I know the answers to those questions

• You didn't want to notice.
• You didn't want to be fitter.
• Tyler didn't want to be with anyone.
• Everything and nothing.

I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Comments have been made to me along the lines of "I'm so glad you're finally doing this." Comments and promises were also made to me a while ago that people were going to stick by me and motivate me and encourage me, years ago. And I was bitter and angry for a bit that no one pushed me into doing this "like they promised."

The problem was I hadn't made a promise to myself. I have now. It's Saturday. I'm going to finish my laundry, and then I'm going to go to the gym. And I'm going to smile about it because the answer to those questions now? It doesn't matter - those are 2 year old questions and they're irrelevant to today.

:)